Quotes by Danny
Some of you may not know it, but Danny is based loosely on an actual
Nukee in my department. What follows are some of the strangest
real life conversations people have had with him that led to
the creation of the character we've all come to know and be confused
(Context: Said after walking into a leather bondage
club in San Francisco, where patrons are being stripped
naked, chained into restraints, and whipped):
Peloso: That's a mighty big meal you ordered there Dan.
Dan: That's ok, I'm not going to eat it anyway.
Peloso: You can't swing a dead cat in Chinatown without
hitting a Dim Sum place.
Dan: What kind of cat?
Peloso: No belt today Dan?
Dan: Well, I'm getting my hair cut.
Peloso: You're not wearing a belt because you're getting
your hair cut?
Dan: Well, I don't want to get it full of hair.
Dan: Gav is a 4-letter word.
Dan: Hey, What's that 'Sanyo' thing next to your TV?
Peloso: That's a VCR Dan.
Dan: (hits Peloso in the head with a tennis ball)
Dan: (hits Peloso in the head with a tennis ball)
Peloso: Dan, stop that!
Dan: What are you doing?
Peloso: I'm just scratching my head.
Peloso: Why did you say that?
Dan: I don't know.
Darren: I'm a Goober Boy!
Dan: What's a Goober?
Greg: It's a chocolate coated peanut.
Dan: I thought it was snot.
Micah: No, that's a booger.
Dan: Oh, what's a goober?
Peloso: Once I move I won't have any money.
Dan: But they are moving you for free.
Peloso: No they're not.
Dan: Well, you have to pay for it, but it's still free.
Peloso: Are you going to that free dinner tonight?
Dan: It's not free, it's from 4pm to 6pm.
Dan: Aaah! People are smoking in here!
(Context: The same leather bondage club):
Peloso: Hey, Dan, want to strip naked and get whipped by a woman in leather?
Dan: It's too cold.
(Context: After Dan S just sinks a great putt
at the Willow Park Golf Club):
Dan: Hey, Darren, are you left handed?
Dan: Oh, then you're just weird?
Dan: You're looking unusually clean today, Gav.
Dan: I'm going to have your hair analyzed and see if there's any arsenic in there.
Gav: Arsenic? Where'd that come from?
Dan: (out of the blue) Okay, well, do it!
Scott: Do what, Dan?
Dan: Oh, I forgot.
Dan: Do you always leave your glasses on when you sleep?
Dan: Well, does it make you feel less afraid of being tickled?
Val: (refering to taking home a cake) My husband doesn't eat sweets.
Dan: Put salt on it.
Dan: Hey, what do all these stars in my output mean?
Gav: It means the number doesn't match what you gave for its format.
Dan: Ah! Very good, Gav! You are smarter than a monkey on a tightrope.
Dan: Wouldn't it be nice if "fun" were a commodity
to be bought and sold, like happiness?
Dan: Why won't they put me on a postage stamp?
Gav: Because you're not dead.
Dan: They make exceptions.
Gav: Answer this for me, though. The U.S. Postal Service has a whole
series of stamps of "Classic American Dolls," but they don't include
Barbie! Barbie is the single most popular doll on earth. Why doesn't
she get recognition?
Dan: Maybe it is because she is not dead?
Dan: Did you tell Brett about your adventure?
Gav: What adventure?
Dan: The poker game last Saturday.
Gav: That was an adventure?
Dan: Well, you were sneezeing.
Gav: A sneeze is not an adventure, Dan.
Dan: It was many sneezes.
Dan: Hey Gav, I want to thank you for last night.
Gav: For what last night?
Dan: For keeping in touch.
Gav: Keeping in touch with what?
Emily: No more alcohol for me -- I have to drive.
Dan: Yeah, me too.
Gav: Dan, you don't have a car.
Dan: I could rent one.
Dan: Good Job!! Dan Strellis and the Cincinnati Reds!!
Dan S: What are you talking about Dan? I'm a Chicago Cubs fan. I hate the Reds.
Dan: I know. I was trying to say Chicago Cubs, but it just came out that way.
Anthony:(after reading this page) Dan, where do you come up with these things?
Dan: Random nerve firings.
Dan: Tomorrow is "natural eyesight day" so leave your eyeglasses and contacts
Dan S.: Dan, why do you have so many pens in your bag?
Dan H.: Well, most of them are dry, anyway.
Dan S.: If they are dry, why do you keep them?
Dan H.: Well, they aren't completely dry.
Q: Dan, you have to stop living vicariously through other people.
Dan H.: I don't want to be a vicar.
Chris: (Telling a joke). On opposite ends of the earth, one person is walking a
tightrope over a waterfall, and another is getting a blow job from a ninety-year
old woman. They are both thinking the exact same thing. What is it?
All: I don't know. What?
Chris: Don't look down!
(Assorted chuckles... Long silence...)
Dan H.: Why is that?
Gav: (Sarcastically) See, Dan, he could fall into the waterfall...
Dan H.: I got that part!
Eric: Haven't you noticed that all retards on TV have names that end in 'Y?'
Dan S.: Hey, that's like your name, Danny.
Dan H.: What about you, STRELLIS?
Dan S.: Strellis doesn't end in 'Y.'
Dan H.: Okay, JOJO!
Helen: Dan, why do you keep hitting me?!?
Dan: I am striking you in the head with a water bottle. I am not hitting you!
Michael:(over the phone) Dan, what's the weather like over there?
Dan: I'm shaving now.
Dan: (out of the blue...) So, do you have any good Latin quotes?
Scott: (bewildered) Yeah, I guess, but why? Do you need one?
Dan: (irritated) No, I don't need one. Why?
(entering a bookstore)
Dan: So Dan, what are you looking for?
Mike: Dan, my name is Mike.
Dan: Yes, that's right! You are Mike and I am Dan.
I guess I was asking myself the question.
Dan: There's a new movie coming out called Gladiator.
Chad: There's already a movie called Gladiator.
Dan: What's it called?
Matt: (in reference to his computer problem): It's fucked.
Dan: But only for you.
Matt: That's the story of my life, Dan. It's fucked, but only for me.
Dan: But you're still tall.
Steve: Where were you for the volleyball game yesterday, Dan?
Dan: I was there.
Steve: No you weren't!
Dan: Yes I was. I was cold, so I watched from inside the door.
Dan: What do you want, Darren?
Dan: When you ask for something, you should be more specific. Some things
are good and some things are nasty...
Darren: I want it all!
Dan: Like syphilis!
Darren: Hey, who put "Blink 182" on the jukebox?
Dan: I like these guys.
Darren: You only like them for their name.
Dan: I like any band with a number in their name.
Bill: Why aren't you in your new office, Dan?
Dan: I need to use the computer, too.
Bill: You have a computer in your office, man!
Dan: Oh, yeah.
Dan: (on the phone) Do you want to play golf with us?
Mike: When do you want to play?
Dan: We played today.
Mike: Dan, why are you asking me now?!
Dan: Well, I knew you would be too busy anyway.
Nate: So, do you want to rent my garage?
Gav: How much is it?
Dan: How much is "two-fifty"?