Most Recent Strip:
(Updated on April 28, 2017).
|* * * Hi. How's it going? * * *|
|Nukees runs thrice a week (Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays) here.|
Most recent news item:
(4/25/2017) Did I say I was bad at math? It turns out I was right the first time when I thought that Nukees turned 20! Nukees cannot legally drink. It's been using a fake ID, apparently. You may be asking yourself, "Self, how can someone with a Ph.D. in Nuclear Engineering not be able to subtract two numbers?" I consider that a self-answering statement, but I'll expound further anyway.
See, I made the mistake of using "date math." That's the kind of math that causes the girl you're having dinner with to sneak out the bathroom window. Also, you know how you very often need to know how many days are between two dates? Like May 1 to May 7. That's seven days, right? But if you subtract 1 from 7, you get six. Because usually you are interested in the days inclusive of the first and the last. If I wanted to know how many days are between noon on May 1 and noon on May 7 (a.k.a. "hotel reservation days"), then it's six. I've gotten so used to "date math" (subtract first day from last and add one) that I guess I've started to apply it unconsciously to wrong situations, like the number of years old something is (2017 - 1997 + 1). But that only applies if I want to know the years between Jan 1, 1997 and Dec 31, 2017. On the anniversary, it's just plain ol' regular math.
Hey, you've been in the bathroom a long time, everything okay?
(1/28/2017) So last week, Nukees could finally drink, and I kinda forgot to announce it. That's right, I've been drawing this thing for twenty one years. Actually, I thought this was going to be the big 20, but apparently, I'm bad at math.
(11/18/2016) So I was on my way to Cape Town, from Switzerland, and my 2:45am connecting flight was in Doha, Qatar. Upon trying to board the plane, the agents looked at my passport and said, "Very sorry but we cannot let you board. South Africa has a strict rule that you must have at least one completely blank Visa page in your passport and you are out." I even knew of this rule, but what I didn't know is that the last three pages in your passport are NOT Visa pages, they are "endorsement" pages, whatever that means. And my last empty Visa page was stamped in Frankfurt the week before on my way to Switzerland.
Ugh. So I spent a day stranded in Qatar, mostly sitting in waiting rooms at the U.S. Embassy. That's where today's comic was drawn. And I *thought* I had scanned and uploaded it at the airport while waiting for 10 hours for the next flight after obtaining an "emergency temporary passport." But it didn't seem to be there this morning. At the moment, I am at a lab outside of Cape Town, with the comic but without my portable scanner, which is back at my hotel room 20 miles from me. I've managed to find an office scanner, so the strip is uploaded, but the quality is not what I prefer. So apologies for that, I'll get it fixed this evening (morning in California). It wasn't a very complicated strip to begin with, though.
P.S. The better-scanned comic is now up (you may need to hold SHIFT, then reload--it's the same, just darker). I checked my terminal and apparently, I had reuploaded the comic for Wednesday instead of Friday's. Probably because that's what day it was when I did it. Did I mention I was 40 hours into my "travel day" at the time with 3 hours of sleep and hadn't eaten in 24 hours?
(07/27/2016) I just uploaded an archive overhaul, in which I've replaced every strip on the site with a consistent-width version (800 pixels), with proper titles and correct copyrights, etc. I actually spent quite a few months examining, sorting, and rescanning thousands of strips. In the process, I even found two strips that were missing from the archives for some reason (they existed before!). So if you happen to find yourself taking a stroll through memory lane and you encounter any missing, mislabeled, or missized strips from the last 19.5 years, please let me know. Wait, did I just say 19.5 years? That can't be right. Also, how are you going to "find" a missing strip? This was a stupid request.
(09/16/2014) PhD Comics did it better, I'll admit. Just a few days after I posted this comic, I ran across a Facebook post for this amazingly similar PhD comic, only, I think he actually did it better. I actually actively avoid reading PhD because I know we're going to end up making fun of the same things and I don't want it to influence my humor (or prevent me from being able to make jokes without it becoming copycatting).
(01/21/2014) I just remembered that today is the seventeeneth anniversary of Nukees. Nukees is a senior in high school! Enjoy this last year as an adolescent.
(06/03/2013) Everything's fine. Hee hee, I just noticed the last eleven news items were about technical problems and I wanted to break the streak. The site updated just fine today, didn't it? Amazing. This morning, I'm sitting in the airport lounge in Oslo, awaiting my flight back to California. It's lovely having Gold status. I actually got to the airport three hours early just to sit here. Thought I would crank out another strip before my flight, but instead I think I'll have wine for breakfast.
(06/01/2013) Man, this has been a bad week for update errors. Seems that I accidentally uploaded Wednesday's strip again for Friday's. It's just been fixed. Thanks so much to everyone who's been notifying me when I screw up. Unfortunately, I'm in Norway at the moment and not checking my email often enough to catch these mistakes in as timely a manner as I'd like, but eventually, everything gets sorted out.
(05/21/2013) How many ways can I say "Ooops sorry?" Seems like that's the only news I post anymore. Looks like I screwed something up on Monday and uploaded the comic to the "CGI" directory instead of the "comics" directory. Doi! Furthermore, we moved servers recently and it appears the scripts that send me a text message when the comic hasn't updated isn't working on this server. It appears that not only was the shell (csh) in which I wrote the script not installed, neither is a mail server. I'll get to work on that. Otherwise, please notify me if the comic isn't updated within a few hours of midnight on an update day. I always draw a strip on time, so if it's not displayed, the site has either borked or I'm dead. If it's the latter, I won't be bothered by your email. Thank you.
(04/22/2013) Apologies for the late update this morning. Nukees moved to a new server last night and perl was stored in a different path than on the old server. Should be fixed now.
(03/22/2013) Ooops, scanned the wrong strip this morning, apparently. Correct one is up now.
(09/21/2012) Hmm, my track record this year for comic uploading screw-ups has not been great. Sorry for the tardy comic this morning. I named the file with tomorrow's date by accident and my phone ran out of battery because I left my charger at work (normally, I get a text message and an email if the comic doesn't update). I keep hitting all three failure points simultaneously.
(08/13/2012) SERIOUSLY?! I somehow screwed up with the site update AGAIN? Why do these thing *always* happen when I leave the country? Once again, modern technology saves the day as I reupload and post this note via my phone over extremely-spotty free Wi-Fi during a layover in Dubai (back the other way this time). Good thing my layover was four hours, because that's about how long this took to fix. Just 20 more hours 'til I'm home!
(08/10/2012) Yow, I haven't missed an update time this badly in many years (if ever)! Of course, the comic is always drawn on time (this one on the plane to Dubai!), but sometimes my jetlagged brain fails me. I'm currently in South Africa (!) and lost track of which advance comics were actually uploaded and which needed to be scanned over the weekend (doi, what a lame excuse). And, I haven't had internet access for large swaths of time, so my auto-notify systems couldn't reach me. Fortunately, I just got connected (~4pm PT) and saw the problem. Scanned and uploaded. It's still Friday (in California, at least), so I still get credit for my perfect record, right? Right? *sigh*
(08/01/2012) The obsessive amongst you who checked the site within 45 minutes of midnight (PST) today got a sneak peak at what will be Friday's comic. That's because I decided to swap in this comic that I just drew last night. At first, it was on deck to be Friday's comic, but then I thought it would work better if it were more timely. So if you're one of the obsessive and you see a repeat on Friday, you might want to go back a day.
(05/30/2012) The site was down for much of the day yesterday, apparently. The server we were on suffered some sort of hard drive crash. We've switched to a new server and restored from a backup (we do that now!). It may have taken some time for some people's DNS to update. The old server is showing the old site, stuck on Monday's strip. So if you saw an old strip for a while, it just means your DNS is slow to update. Unfortunately, I can't update or post this news item on the old server as that hard drive is now non-writable.
(05/11/2012) Ooops, sorry for the repeated comic strip this morning. I tried to fix the badly-scanned comic from May 9 and screwed up the dating. It's fixed now.
I only just noticed I've been putting the wrong copyrights on for the past five months, though. Looks like I've still got work to do...
(02/13/2012) Sorry for the late update today. I was on a plane from Oslo and didn't get the auto-notice of the failed update until I landed at my connection in Newark. Fortunately, I can fix the problem and post this explanation in baggage claim thanks to the magic of modern phone technology!
(12/28/2011) Do you recognize the pixelated image to the right? It was included in a random bag gift by a Nuclide named David who either didn't include a return address, or for whom I lost the address. The return address on the package was for a Postal Annex in Austin, TX. If you are David, or you know David, please email me at gav[at]nukees.com. Thanks.
(Update: David got his gift).
(11/28/2011) Gavspotting seems to be a sport of the past. But I still comprise a considerable portion of the Schlock Mercenary universe and one would expect at least twelve of me to be present pretty much everywhere Schlock and his crew goes. So it should be no surprise that The Gavs are back, and is likely to be followed by quite a few more. Go check us out.
(5/11/2011) 2000. It seems like a lot. Twenty four liters seems like more. Two furlongs doesn't seem like as much. A full year of my waking life also seems considerable. If each comic were a Calorie, it would be the U.S. RDA. At a penny a comic, this site would now cost $20. If each comic had its own twitter feed, you wouldn't be allowed to follow them all. There is a comic for each helicopter pilot in the United Kingdom. My comic strip has 2.2% statistical uncertainty.
(1/24/2011) An extra 100 pixels as promised. In honor of Nukees' 14th year, the strips will be 800 pixels wide from now on. That's right, I'm limping triumphantly into the 21st century.
(1/21/2011) Happy Nukees to me, or something. What? Nukees is fourteen today. What? Fourteen? I thought I would add a hundred pixels to the strip today. But I didn't. Maybe Monday. Fourteen?
(12/29/2010) I'm not 100% convinced that the last few updates went as planned, but I'm pretty sure it's all fixed up now. If you think you missed something, go ahead and back up a few strips and see. If you think an update got missed, let me know, 'cuz I'm not totally sure what happened the past few days and it would be nice to know. Thanks.
(12/04/2010) Danny was here? Check out the walls of this art exhibit in San Francisco! Remind you of anyone? Unfortunately, I only found out about this exhibit today and it appears to have ended yesterday.
(11/03/2010) Hear me talk again as I join a sextet of interviewers on another Moonhawk Studios Podcast interview of someone or something named "Linkara." Guess they liked my banter on brain parasites before. This time, I'll be more of a background voice... like your conscience. The red one with the little horns on the left shoulder. Wednesday, Nov 3 at 7:00pm PST.
Addendum: If you want to tune into the podcast to hear me, I wouldn't recommend it. It's about two and a half hours and I said maybe twelve things. As comic books are not my brand of geekery, I didn't have much to contribute. If you know Linkara and are interested in him, go for it.
(10/29/2010) Oops, Sorry for the late update today. I guess I named a file wrong. Normally, the site sends me a text message if there's a problem updating, but I'm between cell phones at the moment, waiting for a new one (which arrived today via FedEx when I wasn't home, drat!). Why is it that even if I'm smart enough to establish a mitigation plan for disaster, the correct number of multiple things that then need to go wrong at the same time always do?
(7/14/2010) You are hearing me talk. Back on July 14, the folks at "Moonhawk Studios" interviewed me via TalkShoe for their weekly podcast. You can go there now and listen to us chat about every taboo topic you can imagine: gay marriage, politics, religion, and brain parasites. Oh, and I may have made a comment or two about comics. I don't remember that part. Tune in and hear for yourself.
(5/12/2010) Nukees is on a new server which apparently has some bugs. The site appeared to crash last night, unfortunately just before the site updated, so when Nate noticed this morning and brought it back up, it was still showing Monday's comic. I just forced an update, so all is better now, but sorry for the early morning unavailability.
(3/1/2010> Deja Nukees? A fan pointed out two identical Nukees strips in a row in February. As near as I can figure, a few days after the Feb 12 strip ran, I re-scanned and re-uploaded it, presumably to fix an artistic error or typo. But it looks like I mistakenly scanned the Feb 10 strip instead. So if you read it after Feb 14, you saw two duplicate strips in a row. If that was the case, please go back and read the correct strip. The good news, I suppose, is that you get two new strips today! The bad news is how few of you seemed to notice.
(2/2/2010) Not to comment on a far more popular comic, but I think yesterday's xkcd missed the most interesting statistic, and that's strip "happy days game" (n>85%).
(1/18/2010) Speaking of BoingBoing... (well, I was a few months ago). "Katherine," presumably a loyal Nuclide, made a very cool Tetris blanket, made as an Agnostica present, which was cool enough to garner a mention on BoingBoing, thus disseminating Agnostica cheer beyond my readership and the occasional Festivus forum post. Though, the blanket reflects not the joys of video game merriment, but rather the exasperation of life's unfortunate turns, brought upon ourselves by our inability to cope with its pace and simple stupidity. Take a looksee.
(1/15/2010) Did you get shafted by the Random Bag of Fun? If you sent something into the Random Bag and didn't receive something in return, please email me right away and tell me what it was. I remember a specific gift arriving but it somehow went away. It's also possible I dreamt it. Seriously. I have a problem.
(9/18/2009) Top 5000?! Okay, I have no delusions that Nukees is anything close to one of the most popular comics on the web. Alexa ranks me at something like the 250,000th most popular site. Then when browsing Boing Boing I ran across a site called What the Internet Knows About You. It offends places like Boing Boing by violating your privacy or something by reporting your browser history. Check it out and click on "Top 5k websites." What's up at the top alongside Google and Facebook? Yours Truly! You know who isn't considered a "popular webcomic" according to this site? Sluggy Freelance, Dinosaur Comics, Dilbert, or even (wait for it) XKCD! Wow, who runs this site? A loyal Nuclide, I guess? (Even Boing Boing isn't a top site). Well... you guys may be wrong, but oh so right!
(9/7/2009) Happy Labor Week! So it took four days in a row of sleeping only three hours a night (actually during daylight), but I succeeded in inventing and installing one of the very first diagostics (indium activation to determiine D-D fusion neutron yield) on the very first fusion shot of the National Ignition Facility completely from scatch in just five days. Sure, it was wrong by a factor of about three, but for something that didn't exist five days ago, it's a success just to deploy it.
...especially in light of the fact that I also took two midnight-8am "Owl" shifts at the cyclotron, sat through two four-hour safety classes, and drew three comic strips during the same week. Go me!
Thank Darwin I get today off.
(8/15/2009) Kudos to Rochester Airport and Frontier Internet Provider for providing a comfy place to sit and free internet access in the airport. Now that I've purchased a portable scanner, I was, for the first time, able to write, draw, scan, and upload a comic while waiting for a flight. The future is finally yesterday. I just wish more airports would be this nice.
(3/14/2009) Happy Pi Day! I'm happy that the world is becoming geekier every year and I see this salutation more and more. Oh, and I got re-uncled yesterday on the much-more-boring Friday the 13th. Congrats, bro and sis-in-law!
(1/23/2009) Wait, what day is it? I think I'm a couple days late, but happy twelveth birthday to Nukees. Soon my comic will start growing body hair, talking back to me, and noticing Girl Genius.
(1/2/2009) HA! So now I'm actually hoping that I made Wednesday's joke before! It turns out it's a Schlock Mercenary T-Shirt! So I either (a) repeated a joke from 10 years ago, or (b) subconsciously ripped off someone else's joke. I'd prefer (a). But if that's true, it means Howard ripped me off and I deserve royalties on his shirts. :)
(12/31/2008) Now that it's too late, I'm staring at today's comic and suddenly am struck with the uncomfortable notion that I may have already made this joke before. Twelve years old your webcomic gets, repeat yourself you will.
(7/13/2008) Keenspotless. So we haven't made a big deal about it, but about six months ago, I sold my share in Keenspot to the Crosbys. And as of July 2008, I am no longer providing technical support for them. That was a pretty painful decision for me--so painful, in fact, that it's not really possible for me to write a heart-rending sob story about my feelings in my news. So I won't. I'm happy to answer anyone's questions about it, but thus far no one has been terribly interested. The bronze age of people caring about webcomics drama seems to be over. It's probably for the best.
Today, I moved Nukees off the Keenspot servers. I intend on redesigning the site in the next few weeks (or, knowing me, months). In the interim, a bunch of stuff will probably break. In the short term, I've removed most of the ads. I noticed that now that I was no longer controlling the ads, Keenspot has been running a lot of annoying ads that overlay on top of the page content, which I have never allowed on my site. If the ads can't be unobtrusive, I'd rather not have them at all.
Speaking of that, I'm not sure what direction to take with the "business of Nukees" in the future. I don't really need the trickle of loose change that advertising brings, though income makes me feel slightly more "professional." Most of my "business decisions" regarding this comic were made to show support of the business I was trying to build with Keenspot. So who knows, maybe I'll have to revolutionize comics all over again somehow. Or maybe I'll just draw without worrying about it for once.
Thanks to all of you for still reading Nukees after 11 years. And a special über-thanks to any of you who have linked to Nukees or told your friends about me.
Oh, and I'm blonde now.
Send Mail to Darren
Art of the Nuclides
Nukees: The Short Story
Nukees: The Play!
Nukees message board
Sign up to receive Nukees by email!
Don't vote for me. I don't want you to.